I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
