I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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