I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
