he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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