You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
