I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
