My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
