dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
