genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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