Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
