I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
