I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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