thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
