I hate your face
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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