i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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