i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
