This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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