I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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