I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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