Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
