we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
