I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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