We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
