please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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