Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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