Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
