You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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