just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
