sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
