She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
