I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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