New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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