guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
