hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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