No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
