You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
