I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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