Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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