her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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