Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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