the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
