Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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