Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
