grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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