Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
FUCK WHALES
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