I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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