Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and she was petting her beer can
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
