How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
