i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
