remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
