You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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