I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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