Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
