Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
