how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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