he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
