sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
