I am spending my child support on dildos
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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