Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
