Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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