every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
