You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize