So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
