Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
