omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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