So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
