....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
