My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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