HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
