We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
