Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
