The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
