I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
