dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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