dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
